What’s Really Happening When Shit Hits the Fan

Amanda Abella — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 14:00:17 +0000

As you all know, all the material I get for Grad Meets World, my writing and my coaching programs comes from my own personal experience. If I’m going through something - whether it’s good or bad - I have no problem turning it into a message to help others.

In the past you guys have met this with open arms so I figured I should keep doing it. This week we’re going to talk about meeting challenges when you are working very hard on something you absolutely love. Maybe it’s a business, a job, a relationship, a project, whatever.

The point is - some of you may relate to the fact that as soon as you make a commitment to something that is amazing for you and very exhilarating - everything else around you starts to go crazy. One might even say - shit starts to hit the fan.

This is what has been happening to me lately. I made a very big decision when it comes to my online brand and business. I made a commitment. I have, as my boss says, “postulated it to the Universe.” And I have told a few people to keep myself accountable.

(I don’t mean to keep you guys in suspense but I will be letting you all in on more details later.)

And I was totally pumped! Ready to go! Psyched! And as soon as I made this commitment doors started opening. I got asked to do a live workshop (more details on that later), was invited to Puerto Rico to spend some time with other online entrepreneurs, was contacted by a columnist for a major media outlet, and have an incredible support system! I was totally being guided to everything I needed to make this happen!

That, of course, lasted all of twelve hours. Suddenly everything that could possibly make me upset, angry, sad, stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, doubtful and scared came up for me. From my personal life to my professional relationships it seemed like suddenly shit hit the f*cking fan in a matter of days! Seriously, I don’t think I’ve been this irritated in ages!

After a few days of feeling like pure crap I finally made some time for myself to just relax. Did some yoga, took a long shower, pampered myself and just tried to make myself feel better. Once my brain had gone from crazy left-sided rational thought stress bomb to right sided creativity I remembered something my very devout Catholic mother has said my entire life:

“Cuando el maligno se asoma, es buena senal.”

In other words, when evil, hardship or difficulties arise, it’s a good sign that you’re on the right track. The story goes that St. Teresa of Avila used to say this when she was reforming the Carmelite order in Spain during the 14th century. Now, if you think we’ve got problems - they were probably nothing compared to what this spiritual mystic had to deal with - and she was undertaking a HUGE MASSIVE SCARY project!

Can you imagine what it must have been like to be a leader in the Counter Reformation movement, reform the Carmelite order of nuns and found her own order of Carmelite nuns who are now known as Discalced Carmelites? For those of you who don’t know, she was met with loads of adversity and opposition, even within her closest circles! But she still did it! She knew she was on the right track despite the difficulties - and the result? - she wrote beautiful works like The Interior Castle (which I recommend to anyone), was named one of the very few female Doctors of the Catholic Church, whipped the Carmelites into shape and founded her own order of Catholic nuns which is now known worldwide.

I also remembered something one of my favorite authors, Gabby Bernstein, says when people start cracking open and doing some serious work on themselves and discovering what they love - for a while there stuff can be really, really uncomfortable. In fact, things may get way worse before they get better. And this is an awesome sign! It means you are on the right track and your ego is trying desperately to bring you down! Your ego will start pulling out all the stops when you’re on to something amazing and it’s our job to recognize that and keep going.

So, for those of you who are knee deep in self-reflective work, are working toward a massive passion project, or are just starting to figure out who you really are and what you want to do with your life - don’t get disheartened when challenges come up. That just means you are on to something amazing

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2. Figure out how you work.

Hit the ground running or baby steps? Everyone is different. I personally have to do something everyday in order to create a habit. Other people are more successful when they start small, like starting off going to the gym once a week instead of everyday.

Look back at your past successful resolutions. How did you approach it? Did you make a commitment from the get go or did you ease into it? Once you figure out what works best for you, use it.

3. Start early.

This is my favorite tip - start a few days early! Last year I started practicing my healthy resolution on December 26th. It made it seem like there was less pressure and by the time January 1st rolled around I was already a few days in.

This year I'm doing the same with my green juice resolution. In fact, I started on Christmas Day

4. Use life's curve balls to your advantage.

One of the biggest reasons people have a tough time with resolutions is because life inevitably gets in the way.

Been through a breakup? Got laid off? Illness? No problem! Use these less than desirable situations to your advantage. Get creative and use the energy these situations bring up for good.

Don't get me wrong, if you need to take a few days to readjust, do it. But you also have to look at the silver lining - and guess what, you know have more time to cultivate those resolutions. Besides, focusing on something else other than your hardship - like doing something good for yourself - can make a huge difference in the healing process.

For instance, when I was feeling a lot of anger after a breakup I upped my fitness routine and started kickboxing. I was still taking care of myself, was using the anger to get a good workout in and was releasing whatever crazy emotions were coming up through physical activity.

The result? I've got arm definition for the first time in my life (see picture below haha). My abs are tighter, I'm stronger, I've got more endurance, my mood has improved and most importantly, I've made health and fitness a regular part of my life.

2012 resolution completed, even with one of life's curve balls.

5. Enlist some buddies & declare your resolution.

Do you and a friend both have a similar resolution? Join forces! Go to the gym together, work on your side hustles together at a coffee shop, train for that marathon together, whatever! There is some serious strength in numbers so take advantage!

This is also a great way to keep yourself accountable. By declaring your resolution out loud it gives you a sense of commitment. The friends you enlist can also help keep you on track (just like you can help them).

6. Have fun! Don't be so hard on yourself!

We're not perfect, and as a result we're going to fall off the wagon. The plan of action here isn't to be so hard on yourself - that just brings up feelings of guilt, anger and a whole bunch of bullshit that won't serve you.

The solution is to acknowledge the goof up, give yourself a pat on the back for getting as far as you did and picking yourself back up again the next day. Sometimes it takes a few tries before something sticks, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!

At the end of the day resolutions are meant to improve our lives, not make us feel miserable.

So what are my resolutions this year?

Health & Fitness: Start juicing, baby! I got a Breville juicer for Christmas (the same one in the documentary Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead) and I'm ready to use it! I've been experimenting with green juices and smoothies for a few weeks and I truly feel it's time I make a commitment to those micro-nutrients and make myself some green juice for breakfast everyday (as I am writing this I am on Day 2).

Follow me on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter to keep up, join in and show me your juice!

(Optional resolution: I've been reading up on the health benefits of massage thanks to Kris Carr. In 2013 I will try to get a massage once a month to help my muscles out.)

Money: In 2013 I hope to max out my Roth IRA contribution for the year. The max contribution is $5,000 and I already contribute $1,200 automatically. Only $3,800 to go! I plan to do this with the help of Impulse Save. If there is anything that Impulse Save has taught me it's that little savings here and there add up quickly.

Career: There's nothing really new in the career sector other than continuing what I've been working toward since starting this blog. I need to continue testing my coaching chops as I move through the ICA program. I also hope to become actively involved in local networking and career communities. I've got a couple of workshops I'm working on that will help me get involved, give back and help me with one of my ultimate blog/career goals of speaking & live events.

I also hope to attend at least one conference in 2013. I upgraded my Delta Skymiles account & have accumulated a ton of miles for United. It's time to start using those suckers!

Are any of my fellow bloggers attending any conferences in 2013? Which ones? Want to split the cost of accommodations? Email me and let me know

What are your resolutions or goals for 2013? Feel free to share in the comments below!

ICA certification. I figured it would actually be a great way to help those of you who are considering seeking out the help of a life coach. I can only speak from my own experience as a client, however I do feel like this can benefit some of you who are unsure if life coaching is right for you.

Why do people seek out life coaching?

You may be considering coaching to help you reach your goals, sort out some issue thats got you stuck or move forward with some aspect your life. You may be considering it to seek clarity, have some accountability or simply out of curiosity. Whatever the case may be, there are certain things you can expect once you've established a relationship with your life coach.

My Group Setting Experience

The first time I ever tried any sort of life coaching was in a group setting with one of my favorite authors and speakers, Gabrielle Bernstein. I had an inkling that I needed to work on my issues with spirituality and authenticity. I also knew that although I had done a lot of work to overcome past hurt and resentment that I needed some help on moving forward. Overall, I knew I was ready to allow someone else to help me.

So on February 27th I started a 4 week group coaching course with Gabrielle Bernstein. Since I don't live in New York I attended via Ustream, but it still felt like I was in the room with all the other people. Her format was somewhat different but enjoyable - she would give us tools and principles from A Course in Miracles and teach us how we could use them in our own lives. She would then take questions and coach individuals through whatever was coming up for them.

Although I was quite familiar with Bernstein's work and I thoroughly enjoyed the group coaching, I knew I may have needed more one-on-one work. Especially since at that time I knew that I, too, someday wanted to be a coach for others.

Soon after my group coaching with Bernstein I signed up to become a certified life coach.

My Individual Coaching Experience

As you know, I'm a very big fan of my Peer Coach, Jilean Beharry. We instantly hit it off during our exploratory session and decided to see where this coaching relationship would take us. I will admit that at first I was somewhat standoffish about things I needed to work on - namely the issue of trust which I insisted on calling "The T Word." I was also dead set on working on my career and side hustle, but as time went on Jill cracked me open and we discussed things that were really eating me up in the inside - romantic relationships, anxiety, overworking myself, how I'd lost my faith and the incessant urge to control everything.

By the end of it I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I had more clarity about the various areas I needed to work on. In fact, shortly after completing our coaching I found myself in a romantic relationship for the first time in years.

How do I know if life coaching would work for me?

There's no guarantee on your happiness in life coaching because they don't hold the reigns to your life, and whatever coach you seek out should make that very clear. Their job is to help you figure stuff out for yourself, to hold you accountable and to tenderly push you when necessary.

The fact of the matter is that you have to come from a place of openness and commitment to improving your life. You have to meet your coach half way or more if you expect to get results.

If I would have flaked out on sessions and avoided doing the work I never would have had the amazing results that paved the way for great things to come into my life. Instead, I showed up for myself, did the work and allowed myself to be cracked open during our sessions. I let the walls come tumbling down so that I could get the most of my coaching experience.

As a result being in the client's seat was a huge eye opener from me. I got to experience first hand what it's like to be on the other side of the table - being coached, being cracked open, being held accountable by someone else, and letting go of any preconceived notions I may have had about my own clients. I got to experience the power of coaching first hand so that I can later share it with my own clients down the road.

If you're considering seeking out a life coach but aren't sure if you're ready, feel free to use this free guide to see if you're suited to start getting coached. If you're looking for a life coach feel free to drop me a line.

Give Yourself Permission

The first thing you need to do is give yourself permission to express what you want. Many times we feel guilty because what we want may not be in line with outside pressures - such as society or our parents.

Unfortunately, the majority of people choose career paths that aren’t in alignment with what they actually want because they let outside influences affect their decision. The world is filled with stories of people who realize 10 years into their career that they actually hate what they do. A crisis then ensues.

Take a few minutes to sit in silence and clear you head. Once you’ve done that take out a pen and paper and give yourself permission to write down whatever it is you want to do. No outside influence. No fear. No pressure. No chatter. Just write.

Get Clear About Your Values

Once you’ve got at least a fuzzy idea of what you want see if it is in alignment with your values. It’s a safe bet that if your career goals aren’t in line with your values that you’re going to have a pretty miserable time - and it’s not just with your career, it’s with every aspect of your life. Being out of alignment will undoubtedly stop your natural flow - think of it as life constipation.

Defining your values and then aligning your career goals to them will help you get crystal clear on what it is you actually want. You can feel free to try this exercise with every other aspect of your life as well.

(I’ve created a template to help you get very clear on your values and your goals. It even goes as far as helping you create action statements. Email list subscribers already have a copy of this. If you’re not a part of the amazing fireballs that make up this community, make sure to subscribe to get this worksheet in your inbox. Click here to subscribe.)

Be Unapologetic

Once you’ve gotten clear about what you want be unapologetic about it. It’s your life, you can choose whatever it is you want to do and you deserve to be successful at it (so long as you work for it, of course).

At the end of the day people are going to judge whatever decision you make, so live your life trying to impress yourself instead of impressing others.

This doesn’t mean you should be a conceited ass, it just means you should feel confident about what you want.

Start Working Toward It

Now that you’re more clear and confident about what it is you want, go after it! Research, write, sign up for a course, start a website, apply for that job, go after a promotion, do whatever it is you need to do to get started.

You may need to repeat all these steps periodically, especially the first one. Chances are you’re going to run into obstacles and pressure, so always remember to GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to express what you want.

Image via Gerg1967

This is probably one of the more personal video blogs I've recorded - simply because it shows that I'm right there in the trenches with you guys.

I'm still figuring out my finances on a daily basis.

I'm still paving the way for my career.

I'm still building the side hustling.

I'm still clueless about what I want in a relationship.

I'm still not sure about where I'm going or what I really want to do.

I still get overwhelmed sometimes.

Hell, I'm not even sure where I want to live.

A year ago this would have driven me completely insane. I would have put way too much pressure on myself to make as much money as possible in a month, work my ass off at a job I wasn't all too happy with and take on way too much all because I thought it would get me closer to my goals.

Granted, I made a lot of progress last year - I got a full time job, I came up with a savings plan, published an ebook and started getting healthy - but it wasn't all necessarily for the right reasons. It was all because I wasn't all that happy with where I was at the time and I thought "The more work I do, the better off I'll be" without realizing that I had taken those words to an unhealthy extreme.

Does this sound familiar to some of my Type-A readers? Or, what about the other approach, where you're just so overwhelmed that you become stagnant? I bet that covered whoever was missing.

The fact is that I was too busy trying to envision a future self rather than just enjoying the fact that I live in a beautiful vibrant city, my family supports all my whims, I have great friends all over the place, my job is actually pretty great and there's just a lot of love in my life.

I was focusing on how I had to move back home after college, how all my college friends were getting married (even though I'm comfortable with that not being any where in my near future), how some of my friends were living in incredible cities and traveling the world and how others had gotten a job after college much faster than I had.

I was focusing on past hurt and confusion. I was playing the compare game and I was future tripping, a deadly cocktail for the Quarter Life Crisis.

That is until I woke up one day and decided to do something about it. It wasn't until January of this year when I realized it's not necessarily all about the money, it's not about your job title, it's not about when you get married and it's not about running yourself into the ground. Sure, you have to work hard to get where you want in life, but true happiness, the kind of happiness that lasts, isn't in outward circumstances. True happiness lies within the self.

True happiness is being of service, self-care, and loving everyone as much as you can. Success comes in different forms for different people and love is all around us if we just learn to be receptive to it. Happiness comes from being okay with where you are right now.

So how do we become happy if we're so far from what we consider ideal? How do we find happiness in everyday life if we're so overwhelmed by the mountain of stuff we want to do? How do we find happiness if we're surrounded by fear?

By realizing that everything is progress.

Every step you take to change the conversation in your head, to work toward a big goal, to get your money together or to get healthy is a huge thing to celebrate! Like Jenny blake says in one of her latest interviews, you're on the playing field instead of sitting in the bleachers.

If you need a bigger kick in the pants or just some incredible inspiration, check out the full interview below. Jenny Blake addresses a lot of what I've talked about in this post and certainly a lot of what we all deal with as millenials. Pure gold as usual.

Enjoy!

Subscribe on YouTube!

This week's post applies to anybody - whether your trying to run your own business, working a day job, getting healthy or going after some big goal. It's a two-pronged approach to addressing the anxiety that we deal with whenever we're not exactly where we want to be.

Honor Your Decisions

Miraculous changes don't happen over night. Real change, as in change that lasts, is almost strategic in nature. As a result, we have to learn to honor the decisions we have made to get to where we are. We may not be quitting our day job yet, or at an ideal health, or traveling as much as we want, but we may have started a side business, shown up to the gym and started saving money for a trip.

Those small decisions can lead to major change and instead of beating ourselves up over how we're not at our ideal life yet, we need to switch gears and start honoring the decisions we've made on our path.

Celebrate Your Wins

Celebrating your wins is in cahoots with honoring your decisions. Take the time to celebrate the fact that you showed up to the gym, landed your first client or created a budget. Maybe you'll do something special this weekend like give yourself an at-home spa experience, or make your favorite meal.

Seriously, guys! It won't kill you to give yourself a pat on the back every once in a while.

What are some decisions you're currently honoring? What are some wins you are celebrating?

Let us know in the comments section so we can all celebrate together

Ok, kiddies. We've come to the end of our Millenial Mavericks interview series - at least for now. I hope you all were as inspired as I was by interacting and talking with these amazing people. Below you'll find all the videos in one place for your convenience.

Don't Forget - Diana is giving away a free session to a lucky reader! Make sure to read about the many ways you can enter. Deadline to enter is Monday!

Lifestyle Design - Kelly Gurnett from Cordelia Calls it Quits

Career - Jana Schuberth from Love Work Now

Side Hustling - Lindsay Hunt from The Boomerang Kid

Health & Wellness - Diana Antholis from Enter:Adulthood & Unleash Your Sexy

Enjoy Your Weekend!

Millenial Maverick Interview with Jana Schuberth where we discuss how to love work now. Also make sure to read about some awesome online networking tools that are sure to help you with your career.

Now, as for the other stuff...

How to Not Miss Life While Working - YouTern

This is super important - probably more important than any other article on here! This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way last year. If I'm not careful I kind of turn into a work-a-holic. I found myself making excuses like "I'm just too tired from working" or "I can't have a lot of work to do" whenever cool stuff came up. Needless to say, although the fruits of my labor were showing, the only place that got me was sick and stressed. This year I've made it a point to take better care of myself and take steps to actually enjoy my life instead of spending it working.

Everybody Starts Somewhere - Life After College

This is also incredibly important to remember whether you're working for yourself or someone else. Many of us are just starting our adventure in the professional world and are so ANXIOUS to already have it all figured out. Get over it. No one has it figured out at first and everybody starts in the same place: somewhere.

(P.S. Those of you who are subscribed to the email list received the Start Somewhere Challenge this week! If you'd like cool personal development challenges sent straight to your inbox make sure to join the email list!)

5 Skills That Will Drastically Improve Your Professional Street Cred - Brazen Careerist

Great article that discusses some skills you'll need in this job market. The best part? I'm sure most of you already have some of these!

Do You Have Unrealistic Job Search Expectations? - Brazen Careerist

This is the latest post I wrote for Brazen Careerist which was inspired by all the young college grads I interview every week. It's great to have big dreams, but make sure you know what kind of market you're dealing with before you come off as unrealistic and unhireable.

Strategies for Job Hunting in Our Current Economy - Corn on the Job

A very valuable resource for any of you who are just beginning your first job search or looking to change jobs. Remember, it's not mom and dad's market anymore!

How to Find the Right Job for Your Personality - Classy Career Girl

Great article about finding a job that you will LOVE! Despite the current state of the economy, it's still important to try to find a job you actually like. After all, who wants to spend 8 hours a day hating their job?

Hope these inspire you! Happy Friday!

Vimeo page!)

You too can start your own blog and help like-minded individuals find you. After all, you know you’ve always wanted to and there is no time like the present.

2. Online Communities

I am currently a member of two online communities: 20sb and HerFuture. Both have helped me connect with like-minded individuals while expanding my personal and professional networks.

Start by finding online communities that resonate with you. In my case, one community is geared toward millenial bloggers while the other is a community for kick ass women that was created by one of my favorite speakers. If I could find an awesome community for yoga bloggers I’d join that one too

3. LinkedIn

LinkedIn, and more specifically LinkedIn Groups, is a great way to increase your network or start building your own following. Since the entire site is geared toward professional networking you’ll have no problem finding what you need - whether it’s finding a client, a professional friend or a job.

4. Brazen Careerist Network Roulette

This is by far one of the coolest things online for Gen Y professionals. I myself have met some awesome people and been presented with writing opportunities for participating in these online events.

The concept is simple - it’s like speed dating for jobs. You sign on and start chatting. Once your time is up you’re automatically moved to the next person. I personally love that there is no time to beat around the bush because of the time limit. You are connected to someone, you get to the point and amazing things happen on the professional (and sometimes personal) level.

Sound Off

Thanks to the internet we now have more ways than ever to expand our horizons - professional networks included! What are some of your favorite ways to network?

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while. Namely because I’ve been so busy lately that I completely forgot to write down my money goals for 2012. Also, I was still in the midst of resolving the whole “a job candidate stole my wallet” fiasco.

Now that I’m settled in with a new bank THAT I LOVE, paid off the post-Christmas/post-I didn’t have a debit card debt and paid off my yoga/personal development spree I can get back to focusing on my money.

Last year was all about creating a savings plan, getting my retirement/brokerage accounts going and growing my side hustle. This year I’m taking it a step further.

Get Back into My Savings Plan Groove

When we’ve been rocked financially - like I was when my wallet was stolen - it can be hard to get back on track with your money. Really hard. It wasn’t even until a couple of weeks ago that I was able to close my Bank of America account and deposit the money I had in there into my new bank account. That alone caused me a ridiculous amount of stress.

But now it’s time to get my head back in the game.

I’ve had a savings plan set up since last year that worked wonders for my bank account (you can read more about it in my ebook) and I need to get back to doing that. Hopefully this year I can save even MORE money.

Get an Accountant.

Yeah, it’s great to have those at-home tax programs but sometimes we can miss things. Besides once you add retirement accounts, investments and your side hustle money into the mix things can start getting a little complicated.

I’ve never been good with numbers (hence I’m an English major). With that being said it’s time for someone to get themselves an accountant.

(P.S. Anyone in the Miami area have any recommendations?)

Learn the Difference Between What I Want and What I Need.

This is a HUGE one. I spent way too much money in 2011 on stuff I thought I needed - both in my personal life, my blog and my side hustle. I thought I was making investments I would actually follow through on (*ahem* going to the gym).

This year my goal is to learn the difference between what I want and what I need so as not to get lured by shiny things or unnecessary business investments.

Prioritize The Things I Want.

Everyone needs to learn to prioritize their extra spending money - especially those of us who like to be very active and try new things.

Some decisions are simple, you need to pay rent more than you need a new pair of shoes. Some other decisions may be a little cloudy, a yoga workshop or that awesome coaching course. Both are things that will help me and both are things I’d really like to do.

Obviously money isn’t infinite and we can’t always do it all, so we have to learn to prioritize. Or, at the very least, make a list so you do one at a time. When you are participating in one you can start saving money for the next one on your list.

Read The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham.

This book has been sitting on my bookshelf since I bought it almost a year ago. It’s not that I don’t like to read and learn new things, it’s that I hate numbers. In other words when you’re explaining things like ROI and market fluctuations I get lost. As a result, it takes me a bit longer to really comprehend these things. This year I will finally get through the book and apply it’s principles to my own investments and retirement account.

Perhaps these goals are not as specific as last year, but definitely just as necessary as I learn to manage my money.

What are your money goals for 2012?

Grad Meets World » goals

What’s Really Happening When Shit Hits the Fan