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“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” -Ajahn Chah
When we don’t deal with a hurtful experience properly our past will certainly come back to bite us in the ass. This is something that I have struggled with for the past couple of years, as I have relentlessly held on to the idea of someone who hurt me. I haven’t even held on to the actual person, after all, every rational fiber of my being tells me that I would never want this person in my life again. What I held on to was an idea of who I thought he was, a good person who made a big mistake.
Although I still believe this to be true, what I have done for two years is overshadow my own feelings by focusing all of my attention on not directing any anger toward another person. I was afraid to get angry because I didn’t want to hate him out of fear of what I might have done. I had clearly already made enough mistakes and was not about to add any more to my list. Through this fear and denial I ultimately came to the conclusion that everything was my fault. You heard right, my delusion led me to believe that I actually deserved to be treated terribly. Eventually, it seemed safe and even comfortable to suffer.
But when you are on the receiving end of intense emotional pain, there comes a time when you have to stop making excuses for the other person. There comes a time when you have to face the facts and take it for what it is. There comes a time when you realize who needs to be in your life and who you are allowing to hold you back.
In this time of charity I urge you to forgive, and with a new year around the corner I also urge you to let go. Let go of those who have hurt you and if they need to be cut out of your life then snip snip, baby. Send them some love and light whenever you think about them and let the thought flutter away as quickly as it flooded your brain. You never have to see these people again, but you do have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. Why spend it moping over some story your mind invented or a person you don’t need?
The only way to let happiness in is by letting go. This of course no easy feat, but it can be accomplished little by little and day by day. Below you will find some great blog posts from across the web on letting go and moving on. I hope you find them as helpful as I have.
Letting Go and Moving On: Lessons from an Orange Tree
Letting Go of Attachment, from A to Zen
How to Forgive Someone When It’s Hard: 30 Tips to Let go of Anger
How to Get Someone or Something, Off Your Mind
Stop Focusing on “Then” and Work on the “Now”
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Visiting over from “Follow Me Back”. I went through months of therapy to help me move on from two bad breakups. You know what the best healer was though? Time. As cliche as it sounds, it true. Great post!
I’m ready to let go of 2010. I had a great year, let’s close it off with a quiet bang
Looks like you’re into everything I am!
Money: I write at FabulouslyBroke.com
Simplicity & Living: I write at EverydayMinimalist.com
This blog post holds some very deep resonance with me. I’ve been struggling like crazy to let go of my ex, who was also a close friend of ten years, even though we both still love each other. He hurt me badly, but I forgave him, and now I’m left missing him, even though really, he doesn’t deserve it. I’m still missing the IDEA of him. The IDEA of what we could’ve been.
Thank you so much for this blog post. I Love your blog and will be coming back frequently,
<3
Kristen
I’m glad the blog post spoke to you
It’s good to know that people are never alone.
thanks for the lovely shout out for my blog – Lessons from my Orange Tree.
I’m so touched you wanted to share this!
You’re welcome! Your post actually really touched me. I stumbled upon it at a time when I really needed to hear something like that.