What’s Really Happening When Shit Hits the Fan

Amanda Abella — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 14:00:17 +0000

As you all know, all the material I get for Grad Meets World, my writing and my coaching programs comes from my own personal experience. If I’m going through something - whether it’s good or bad - I have no problem turning it into a message to help others.

In the past you guys have met this with open arms so I figured I should keep doing it. This week we’re going to talk about meeting challenges when you are working very hard on something you absolutely love. Maybe it’s a business, a job, a relationship, a project, whatever.

The point is - some of you may relate to the fact that as soon as you make a commitment to something that is amazing for you and very exhilarating - everything else around you starts to go crazy. One might even say - shit starts to hit the fan.

This is what has been happening to me lately. I made a very big decision when it comes to my online brand and business. I made a commitment. I have, as my boss says, “postulated it to the Universe.” And I have told a few people to keep myself accountable.

(I don’t mean to keep you guys in suspense but I will be letting you all in on more details later.)

And I was totally pumped! Ready to go! Psyched! And as soon as I made this commitment doors started opening. I got asked to do a live workshop (more details on that later), was invited to Puerto Rico to spend some time with other online entrepreneurs, was contacted by a columnist for a major media outlet, and have an incredible support system! I was totally being guided to everything I needed to make this happen!

That, of course, lasted all of twelve hours. Suddenly everything that could possibly make me upset, angry, sad, stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, doubtful and scared came up for me. From my personal life to my professional relationships it seemed like suddenly shit hit the f*cking fan in a matter of days! Seriously, I don’t think I’ve been this irritated in ages!

After a few days of feeling like pure crap I finally made some time for myself to just relax. Did some yoga, took a long shower, pampered myself and just tried to make myself feel better. Once my brain had gone from crazy left-sided rational thought stress bomb to right sided creativity I remembered something my very devout Catholic mother has said my entire life:

“Cuando el maligno se asoma, es buena senal.”

In other words, when evil, hardship or difficulties arise, it’s a good sign that you’re on the right track. The story goes that St. Teresa of Avila used to say this when she was reforming the Carmelite order in Spain during the 14th century. Now, if you think we’ve got problems - they were probably nothing compared to what this spiritual mystic had to deal with - and she was undertaking a HUGE MASSIVE SCARY project!

Can you imagine what it must have been like to be a leader in the Counter Reformation movement, reform the Carmelite order of nuns and found her own order of Carmelite nuns who are now known as Discalced Carmelites? For those of you who don’t know, she was met with loads of adversity and opposition, even within her closest circles! But she still did it! She knew she was on the right track despite the difficulties - and the result? - she wrote beautiful works like The Interior Castle (which I recommend to anyone), was named one of the very few female Doctors of the Catholic Church, whipped the Carmelites into shape and founded her own order of Catholic nuns which is now known worldwide.

I also remembered something one of my favorite authors, Gabby Bernstein, says when people start cracking open and doing some serious work on themselves and discovering what they love - for a while there stuff can be really, really uncomfortable. In fact, things may get way worse before they get better. And this is an awesome sign! It means you are on the right track and your ego is trying desperately to bring you down! Your ego will start pulling out all the stops when you’re on to something amazing and it’s our job to recognize that and keep going.

So, for those of you who are knee deep in self-reflective work, are working toward a massive passion project, or are just starting to figure out who you really are and what you want to do with your life - don’t get disheartened when challenges come up. That just means you are on to something amazing

I am a big advocate of meditation. It's made a tremendous difference in my life and that of many others. Most of you already know the benefits of meditation, but just in case you didn't here's a rundown from Mayo Clinic:

The emotional benefits of meditation include:

Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations
Building skills to manage your stress
Increasing self-awareness
Focusing on the present
Reducing negative emotions

With that in mind, some research suggests that meditation may help such conditions as:

Allergies
Anxiety disorders
Asthma
Binge eating
Cancer
Depression
Fatigue
Heart disease
High blood pressure
Pain
Sleep problems
Substance abuse

Okay, now why wouldn't anyone take five minutes a day to try this? It's quick, it's easy, it's natural and it's FREE!

Below you'll find some of my favorite tools and resources for keeping my meditation practice alive. Feel free to use any of these or share your own resources in the comments.

Yoga

I've learned some pretty awesome meditations thanks to my yoga practice. Whether you're going to studio classes or streaming yoga online, there are a ton of different resources you can use to learn different tools, techniques and breathing exercises.

I personally go to Prana Yoga Miami for studio classes and use MyYogaOnline or Gaiam for online video.

Gabrielle Bernstein

She's got free meditations on her podcasts, groovy youtube videos, a myriad of empowering lectures and three amazing books that help make meditation easy, practical and attainable. Seriously, this chick is a one stop shop for spirituality.

(P.S. You can still win an autographed copy of her latest book, May Cause Miracles! Click here to enter.)

Meditation Oasis

Meditation Oasis is a 100% free resource for guided meditations. I've been using these meditations since 2010! They also have a stellar blog that answers all of your meditation questions.

Terri Cole

Terri Cole is a psychotherapist and meditation advocate. Her album, Meditation Transformation, has a variety of meditations to get you through your day.I particularly love Manifest to Sleep. I'm out cold as soon as it's done.

BONUS! Inner Health Studio

While working on my coaching model I came across an awesome resource for visualization, relaxation techniques and meditations. Inner Health Studio has MP3s, scripts and a podcast to help you deal with just about anything - from writing a report to nightmares.

Happy Meditating everyone!

Spread the Love with a Tweetable:

Wanna start meditating? Check out these awesome tools! @gabbybernstein @terri_cole @MeditationOasis via @amandaabella Buffertweetable text

Last week I had the absolute pleasure of going to see one of my sheroes speak live and in person. On Thursday night I went to The Standard on Miami Beach for Gabrielle Bernstein’s May Cause Miracles Book Launch Event.

If you’ve been following the blog for a while then you know I am a huge fan of Gabrielle Bernstein and her work. I have been following her for a little over a year and can testify that what she teaches about spirituality, positive psychology and meditation actually works!

I use her tools, techniques and teachings on a daily basis and have truly seen miracles occur - from managing my day job and having abundance to this blog becoming a major vessel for an empowering message. And, if you saw my Kick Ass Books for an Awesome 2013 video then you know that her teachings helped me have the easiest breakup recovery ever.

It is her work that helped me not only witness, but stop playing crappy records in my head. I now notice when I have thoughts like “My job blows”, “I’ll never make enough money”, “My ex is an asshole”, “I suck” etc. etc. Now instead of getting caught up in them I disengage and choose to see love instead. This kind of perception has literally created a better outward experience and has certainly helped me better deal with life’s occasional obstacles.

Gabrielle Bernstein has taught me and countless others how to live in an empowered love filled way. Following her work has literally changed my life for the better and I am constantly sharing these tools with you all because I whole heartedly believe in their power. (By constantly I really do mean constantly. You can read about my journey following Gabby here, here and here.)

So as you can imagine I was pretty excited to see one of her lectures live instead of on Vimeo. And I was certainly completely ECSTATIC when I got to meet her!

I met Gabby Bernstein! Squeal!

Autographed copy of May Cause Miracles and a pass to enjoy The Standard Hotel & Spa. Miracles indeed!

Seriously, dream come true! It's moments like this that make me realize how grateful for everything. If it wasn't for writing this blog that constantly forces me to look inward, take care of my side of the street and most importantly serve others, I may have never stumbled upon this incredible teacher. And I certainly wouldn't have had the balls to hand her a business card (Yes, I did do that. Make that two best selling authors I've slipped my business card to!)

You know what else makes me feel grateful? This beautiful setting on the water. I am so blessed to live in such an incredible city!

Getting ready for Gabby on the Bay!

I know a lot of you already follow Gabrielle Bernstein, but for those of you who don't here is a rundown of some of my favorite lessons:

Forgiveness is the bedrock of a happy life.

Relationships are assignments.

Gratitude is the only attitude.

Focus on the content instead of the frame.

Treat your romantic relationships as more brotherly and treat your friendships as more romantic (Good one!)

The Universe has your back.

Win an Autographed Copy of May Cause Miracles!

Since I purchased a VIP ticket for the event I got an EXTRA copy of Gabby's latest book, May Cause Miracles. And guess what? I got her to autograph it for you! Just use the Rafflecopter widget below (you may need to click refresh) to enter! I can't wait to share this amazing guidebook with one of you lucky readers!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Photo via HA! Designs - Artbyheather @ Flickr

At first I must have looked at him like he was nuts, but he continued anyway, "When you went through your break-up a few months back your girlfriends took care of you. They got you out of the house, they supported you when you were down. Plus, you had all these women empowerment groups to go to which helped you focus on something else other than your break-up. Women who read your blog sent you encouraging emails from all over the country. You even knew what books to read! Us guys...yeah we don't have that. We're told to suck shit up and deal with it on our own."

He was right. I was floored.

This inspired me to do a little research for all the amazing dudes who read this blog (my friend being one of them). After all, I've always got sweet stuff for the ladies (being that I am a woman it's just easier) but I've never put anything together for my male readers.

Some of you may be rolling your eyes, but I know for a fact you deal with a lot of the same crap us ladies do. Why? Because we're all human and we're all in it together. Besides, you read this blog so clearly you have some sort of interest in your own well being.

Granted, the difference lies in how you deal with stuff. Am I going to tell you to get in lotus position and share your feelings? Not exactly. Unless that works for you, of course.So bear with me as I dish on why men should get on the self-help bandwagon.

How many times have you felt like you had no outlet for how you feel?

Probably quite a few. That's because entire generations of men have been told to conceal their feelings and "man up." They've been told to pick themselves up by their boot straps and dust themselves off. Don't get me wrong I love a strong confident dude as much as the next girl & I certainly don't want the guy I'm dating to be more into chick flicks than I am, but that doesn't mean you have to shut down and suppress how you actually feel.

As humans we need to deal with life. That means we get curve balls thrown at us, go through heartbreak and encounter disappointments. Emotions come up regardless of what genitalia you happen to don and for that reason alone you must learn how to deal with them. Take WWII vets for instance, they were expected to just forget about the war and move on with their lives. Consequently, many vets did just that and ended up with PTSD instead.

Moral of the story: deal with your emotions.

Does this mean get in a pow wow, take up Pilates and share your feelings with every person you encounter? Absolutely not. It just means find something that works for YOU. For instance, does working out help you get clear? Maybe you can take up mixed martial arts or some sort of sport. I have one male coaching client who boxes and has started a daily routine of plugging in his headphones and jamming out to some tunes. Those two things alone help him deal with whatever is coming up for him.

How many times have you felt alone? Like you're the only one feeling a certain way?

Again, probably quite a few times. Old habits die hard, and even today men are much less likely to seek help from others or therapy than women are. In my own experience with dating, the only thing that really ensues is a distant man who pushes away for the sake of "being strong." With the more severe cases they only end up projecting whatever emotions haven't been dealt with and hurting people in the process. Women have, of course, been taught to do the exact opposite and what usually ensues is an argument we see mimicked on sitcoms all the time.

Now if all if you dudes are doing this it's no wonder you feel like you can't read that book, call a friend or find a therapist. Hell, you may feel like you can't even talk to another dude! Notice how absurd it is that a man feels like he can't talk to another man about problems they both share! Given that you are all hard wired differently than women are, wouldn't it make sense to talk to a person who can see eye to eye with you?

We, as a society, need to change the conversation. It's not just women who deal with emotions, men most certainly have them too and there is no reason they should be less encouraged to deal with them in whichever healthy way they see fit.

Did you know your health could be at stake?

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, men turn to drugs and alcohol at twice the rate of women. Men are also more likely to experience anxiety disorders like PTSD. Some research suggests that women suffer from more cases of depression, however experts are starting to think that the numbers are skewed simply because women are more likely than men to recognize their depression and seek help.

Men are also more likely to deal with their emotions in unhealthy ways. This usually results in self-medicating with substances, anger, frustration, irritability or even violent outbursts. Men are also more likely to die by their own hands than women are. Why? Because although women are more likely to attempt suicide they prefer pills while men tend to go straight for the hand gun.

Clearly, whatever it is men are doing (or in most cases not doing) in the interest of their own mental health isn't working out.

Where can men go for some self-help?

Lucky for you I've become somewhat of a self-help aficionado thanks to this blog. Below you'll find a list of resources for all you gnarly dudes.

TokiiLab - They have games, fun articles and yes, self-help resources for men! In fact, you can thank these guys for shedding light on a lot of the astonishing statistics found in this blog post.

The Daily Love - This breakout blog which was recently featured on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday was started by a guy! It also features a ton of other male health experts, coaches and thinkers so you can live your best life.

Tony Robbins - You can't have a blog post like this without mentioning Tony Robbins. You just can't. YouTube the guy and prepare to have your mind blown.

Kute Blackson - Check this guy out for some awesome videos that are all focused on liberation. He's also go great relationship advice.

Deepak Chopra - An incredible speaker, teacher and doctor who has a nifty way of mixing spiritual principles and practices with science. Whatever you're dealing with, he's got a meditation and a million books.

Ekhart Tolle - A powerhouse whose books will change your life.

The Art of Manliness - This blog is just effin' awesome. A blog full of substance and smart content to counteract all the crap in men's magazines. Also a nice power of example that argues against the recent theory that millenial men are louts.

Perhaps this list isn't as a long as it would have been if it were written toward women, but it's definitely a start! Do any of you men know of any great websites or books for your fellow dudes? If not, how about you start one? There's clearly a need for it.

Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr

Spirituality/Positive Psychology:

May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness by Gabrielle Bernstein

(Bonus: I'm totally digging Doreen Virtue as of late. If you're feeling open minded or your spirit needs a boost I highly recommend this.)

Money:

The Mint Manual by Tim Murphy (Check out a full length review here.)

The Law of Divine Compensation: On Work, Money and Miracles by Marianne Williamson

Kicking Ass:

Audacity Rules by Coach Jennie (Check out our one-on-one interview here.)

Amazon Store

For more of my favorite personal development books visit my store on Amazon.

Tweetable:

Check out these amazing books for rocking 2013! #health #money #geny #career via @amandaabella Buffertweetable text

Grad Meets World » Spirituality

What’s Really Happening When Shit Hits the Fan

Spread the Love with a Tweetable:

Win an Autographed Copy of May Cause Miracles!