Quite some time ago my amazing coach sent me an exercise centering around identifying my ideal partner. You may recall that I went into this coaching relationship with the intention of dealing with stress and propelling my business – that, however, was just scratching the surface of what I was really looking for. What ended up happening was a conversation based around spirituality, faith and relationships. A couple of weeks after finishing our coaching sessions I found myself in a wonderful relationship for the first time in years. Two months later it was over. Oops.
So now I’m back to the drawing board. Back in the single life lane (which I actually feel quite comfortable in). Back into having a relationship with my true passion – the work I do through this blog. Back into my routine of self-care and self-discovery which unfortunately sometimes gets muddled when we find ourselves in relationships.
Now that the sadness and anger are finally starting to subside I figured it was time to get back out there again. After all, it’s not like I’m dead! In fact, I’m a young, vibrant 24 year old who’s got a lot going for her. And if this relationship taught me anything it’s that I really don’t have that much to worry about. If it works out, fantastic. If it doesn’t, it just wasn’t meant to be. Simple as that. It taught me that I don’t have to claw and manipulate for a desired outcome in relationships. It taught me that I could forgive, let go and be perfectly alright. It taught me that if one thing doesn’t work out then other things do – if you are open to them!
So with that being said, I figured it was a good time to actually do this exercise my former coach sent me. I also figured it would be a great time to share it with you all. Granted I’m quite skeptical of these things, and like I’m sure many of you are, I’m almost embarrassed to be doing this. However, I did send this to a few of my friends to see what they thought and they all agreed – it’s a good exercise to help you get clear about your future partners. Besides, you never know until you try 
A Note Before We Begin:
A word of caution, however, I strongly believe that a relationship won’t bring you all the happiness you need. Are they fantastic? Absolutely. But you’re very lost in crazy town if you think a relationship will be what ultimately makes you happy in the end. The only thing that can really make you happy is YOU. Happiness is a choice we make each and every day. We can choose to hate our exes or we can choose to forgive them and let them go. We can choose to hate our jobs or we can choose to come from a place of gratitude. We can choose to sweat the small stuff or we can choose to go with the flow.
Got it? Okay, good.
Onward!
Identifying Your Ideal Partner
This is a pretty simple exercise yet very important. When we’re single it can be pretty hard to figure out what we want. Hell, sometimes we don’t know what we want even when we’re in a relationship.
Case and point: how many of us are guilty of trying to change our partner in order to fit OUR needs? Newsflash: you can’t change people. On the other hand, if you would have been clear about what you wanted beforehand you would have gone for the person who matched it. Instead, we tend to date aimlessly and hope to change people. What ensues is frustration and hurt.
Let’s back track here. Let’s take the opportunity to figure out what it is we actually WANT instead of projecting and manipulating our desires onto a person who very well isn’t meant to possess them. Let’s save ourselves the trouble and figure out what we want/need BEFORE jumping into relationships.
Step One: Questions to Discover Your Future Partner’s Qualities
What qualities do you want your potential partner to demonstrate?
Here are some examples of questions you can answer to help you figure it out:
How does he/she make me feel special?
What does he/she do when I’m sick?
How does he/she show affection?
How does he/she treat me in company when we go out?
How does he/she make me laugh?
His/Her most important quality is…
The best thing about him/her is…
For example:
Question: How does he/she treat me in company when we go out?
Qualities: He/she is respectful, attentive and kind.
Step Two: Identifying Your Partner’s Qualities
In Step One you wrote the list of qualities for your future partner. But how would you know if the guy/girl you’re currently dating has these qualities? By answering the same set of questions but in the present tense. You will also need to assess your partner’s behavior.
For example:
Question: How does he/she treat me in company when we go out?
Qualities: He/she is respectful, attentive and kind.
Behavior: He/she is attentive and considerate to me, and kind to the waitress.
Step Three: Your Qualities
Love is not what you get, but what you give.
- Harley M. Storey
This is something people often overlook. Write down the qualities that you bring to the relationship.
If you’d like to download an Ideal Partner Worksheet click here.
